Adventures on Washington Street

Me and Jordie on our 6th anniversary. Love you babe!

Hello blog readers! It's been awhile-sorry! I've been busy settling into the new house. Since I can't remember all that's happened since the last time I wrote, I decided to give you the Coles Notes version. In other words, the last 7 weeks in a nutshell. The last 7 weeks 'on crack,' if you will. Here goes.

In the last seven weeks, we've had loads of visitors. The first visitors were the aphids, which really outstayed their welcome. Jordie seemed entertained to find me out at the elderberry tree, night after night, blasting them with the hose with one hand and holding a glass of wine with the other.

Everyone in the Kootenays is looking for a watercraft (any watercraft) to get out and enjoy the lake, so it took us awhile to find one online. We finally got a used canoe from some guy who lived in a place with a lot of mosquitoes. It's shit brown, has handles for easy carrying, and ALWAYS veers to the left. I love it.

Swimming, and lots of it. I don't even need to put the car in gear to get down to the beach. What a wonderful thing. Not a big fan of when seaweed touches me while I'm swimming. I do like jumping off the dock, though! And I like it when Sarah and Brian come to the lake so I can steal their paddle board (and hang out, of course).

So many people (and dogs) have come to visit already! My parents were here, Uncle Norm and Mary, brother Darren with his wife Julie and their kids Nelson and Ella (and their two pups, Stanley and Rose), my friend Danelle, a pack of my parents' biker friends, and I'm probably forgetting someone. I love hosting, and I'm already missing my family and friends back home, so it has been so great to open our doors to a fairly steady stream of visitors. Thanks for coming, everyone!

Luke made the trip from the upstairs library in search of a room that wasn't scalding hot.

Based on the expression on Anna's face, I'm guessing these two were talking about Jim's yet un-vouched-for favourite: hot dogs with peanut butter.

Uh-oh...she's canning again.

Betty and Jim (Jordie's parents) test the unchartered waters of homemade peach popsicles.

Stanley and Rose relax after a long day of taking tiny steps.

A motley crew in our backyard, breaking in the firepit.

I think mom might have been laughing at dad's Boggle skills here, but I don't remember. Jordie, I'm glad you make me laugh like this.

Dad is always able to sniff out a pool table.

Me, mama and Josie having a giggle at Jeremy and Sheree's place. Little did Josie know, he was in a love-lock!

All I see here is my snaggletooth. Isn't it funny how you look at yourself first when you look at a photo? I know what you're thinking: "I never do that." You're lying, though, and I think we both know it.

Jordie looks at stuff at JB Fletcher's General Store.

They were dancing, and then they stopped before I was able to grab my camera to take a photo. I made them start dancing again so I could take a picture. Can't even tell, eh?!

Jordie and his dad Jim plotting something on the front steps at 415 Washington Street.

Huckleberry Hound enjoying the heat in the library.

Me and my favourite boxhead. This is my favourite place to sit when one of Kaslo's famous out-of-nowhere rainstorms comes through.

Leah pees in the strawberry patch while Dad mows the lawn. JK-I wasn't peeing. Gotcha!

This tiny pack of ruffians were just about to attack, but I won them over with my strawberries (especially the little one in the front).

Hey Britt, trade ya strawberries for pickling cukes again next year?

Me and Dad with our matching Crew hats.

Bounty!

Me and Jordie on the front porch, trying to think of an interesting caption for this photo.

This pack of hooligans came through Kaslo a few weeks ago. They tried to rough me up, but instead we ended up becoming best friends.

Me and Mary with homemade huckleberry soft-serve ice cream from Theresa's sandwich shop downtown. This was the perfect snack for this particular day, because (and pardon my French, here) it was 39 degrees out and I was sweating my balls off.

Me, my brother Darren and his wife Julie and daughter Ella (and Rose in her arms).

I bought 80 pounds of tomatoes (yes, I know 80 pounds is a lot of tomatoes-OK, fine, I didn't really know that when I placed my order), 40 pounds of peaches, and a whole bunch of other cannable fruit and stuff. If I'm not down at Kaslo Bay swimming or reading an Archie comic on the beach, I'm in the kitchen with my Ricky Gervais podcast, canning the crap out of something. Peaches, salsa (three kinds), cherries, tomatoes, pickled veggies, apricots. The works. Here are some things I've learned about canning in the past few weeks:

-nobody 'needs' 12 jars of chutney

-if you say you don't know what to do with pears or plums, someone is bound to suggest chutney (it's too bad you can't place a bet on this-you could really make some cash)

-it takes longer to boil water when you really want to go to the beach

-the little 'click' that a can of tomatoes makes when it seals is the best sound ever

-Jeremy hates canning season

The first two weeks in our new house was characterized by one thing: the strawberry. At first, I thought I'd tear out the 150 square foot strawberry patch because it's prime gardening space for all the other stuff I wanted to plant. But then, I realized that every time people came over, we would all end up out in the strawberry patch picking berries and shooting the breeze, and it was just too nice for words. We probably harvested at least 25 pounds of strawberries in two weeks, and then it was the same thing all over again with the raspberries. I told Jordie we needed a deep freeze ASAP. It's already full to the brim.

This 120-year-old house doesn't seem to be haunted or anything. Maybe there are some ghosties in here, but if there are, they haven't let on. Maybe they like me and they're trying not to freak me out. Appreciate it, guys! This house does seem to be a sort of Bermuda Triangle for flies, though. I keep finding them stone cold dead, upside down in the middle of the kitchen floor. Jordie says they come in when I leave the door open and then can't find their way out. If this is true, it really seems like an evolutionary flaw. Come on guys, don't you have like a thousand eyes or something?! As we speak, there's a huge bumblebee buzzing around at the kitchen window. I even opened the kitchen window he was bumping into. Didn't matter. Bzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Here's something very Kaslo: when you get home from a trip and someone has left two big zucchini (or is it zucchinis?) on your doorstep. It's called 'zucchini bombing.' Thanks Sheree!

Me and Ella in the library upstairs.

Other things that are very Kaslo:

-using the word 'harvest' way too much (yes, I know I've already mentioned this...)

-knowing the exact times local stores are open off the top of your head

-stores never being open when they say they're going to be open

-people not knowing any of the street names

-everyone having a firewood guy that's "the best"

-complaining about how there are too many tourists

-talking about 'Alberta license plates'

-talking about how the two gas stations always have different prices

-buying local produce but then ordering everything else on Amazon

-comparing the prices of groceries in Nelson and Kaslo (especially cheese for some reason)

-calling anything over by the arena 'the Back Road' even though there are like 5 roads over there

Let's see..what else, what else...oh yeah! I have my second art show over at the Bluebelle Bistro right now. Sold four paintings so far! Also in the last few weeks, we've gone on a canoe camping trip, done a lot of little jaunts on the river trail, and worked a LOT in the yard and garden. Hey, here's a tip about gardening: don't make a to-do list, because it never ends. Enjoy it, though. Gardening is the best.

Jordie and Anna ponder the meaning of life.

Josiah poses for one of my all-time favourite kid photos. Reading an ARCHIE, no less! A child after my own heart.

Hooligans in the yard with a pitcher of jet fuel (AKA sparkle water with cherry juice and rose petals).

Ugh. I just realized this photo was sideways and I really don't feel like flipping it. The Moyie on the water.

Leah and Uncle Norm down by the lake. It doesn't look like it was that hot when this photo was taken, but look at my hair.

Random Thoughts of the Week

1. While sitting on the porch in Kaslo drinking coffee, I witnessed a duck standing in the middle of the road, not interested in moving so the guy in the car could pass. Eventually, the guy in the car had to drive around the duck. Duck 1, Guy 0.

2. I was on the phone with some phone robot the other day, and I kept telling her I wanted to speak to a real person. She actually sounded offended when she said, "Sure, I'll connect you with one of our agents." I kept hearing the sound of fake clickety-clack typing on a keyboard as I was talking to her. I think she wanted me to think she was doing a whole bunch of research about the issue I'd called in for, but I'm pretty sure she was just drinking a cup of coffee with her feet up.

3. Hey, what do you think about adults who go on a 2-week vacation to England or whatever and then come back with a fake accent? Where's my eyeroll emoji...

4. On one of the zillion forms I filled out during the process of buying the house, I was faced with this question: Number of saddle dogs? Hmm..I mean, there's gotta be at least twenty-five of them in the basement. I wonder how you deal with a saddle dog infestation...maybe you do that thing where you put a walnut in the corner or something. (By the way, can everyone please get real with the walnut in the corner solution to having bugs in the house? Or the paper bag hanging from the string? Let's give the bugs a LITTLE credit.)

5. Jordan's stuffed animal from his childhood is named 'Luke.' This doesn't strike me as the most common type of name for a kids stuffie. Usually they're called, like, 'Monkey' or 'Scruffy' or whatever. Luke. He lives in the library upstairs, and sometimes gets a snuggle from me. Jordie mostly ignores him now, but I brought him downstairs so he could be part of the action.

6. It's funny how bananas are the ultimate traveling fruit-they come from Ecuador, Peru, Chile-just so we can spice up our oatmeal and smoothies. And still, with all the traveling they do, you put one in your backpack to take it as a work snack, and when you take it out half an hour later? BOOM. Bruised as shit.

7. I really don't care about Teslas. I don't know. I guess I don't have that much to say about it. I just wanted to say I don't give a rat's about Teslas.

8. I think all of us have, at some point, seen a topless woman just crossing the street or something. This is something I see about once every three years or so. About as often as I see the Santa Claus triplets (this is three Santa Claus lookalikes who walk around together on Commercial Drive).

9. When the excavator guy came to dig up Jer and Sher's yard, about ten of us set up chairs on the deck and sat there watching for about...well, I guess it was about three or four hours. It was mesmerizing. Our conversations during the digging of the yard were not quite so mesmerizing, though. "Interesting, I wonder why he decided to put that pile of dirt over there. What kind of soil do you think that is? What's dirt made of, anyways?"

10. I had my headphones in while I was staining some boards, and my niece came into the shop to ask me what I was listening to. "Snoop Dogg," I said. She looked at me like she wanted a little more information. I wondered if I should elaborate-you know, explain about the bitches and hoes and stuff...but I decided against it.

11. I think we're getting a little carried away with the acronyms, everyone. Is typing 'RN' really that much quicker than 'right now?' It's annoying AF.

And with the new chapter in Kaslo, comes the end of another chapter in Vancouver...

Leah eating cake on Commercial Drive. Wait, I think this is Italy! It doesn't really matter, but I do remember how good that cake was. Mmmm...caaaake.

Supper on Napier Street, just after we got back from Europe. How do I know that's when this picture was taken? Because I can see the extra 15 pounds of pasta on my bones. #worthit

Me with mom and dad on Napier Street. Nice Gidney Signs hoodies, eh?

Me and JK on the swings at Playland. This was that Playland day where we ate a bag of those DELICIOUS hot little donuts and right away went on the Scrambler, and I've never been so close to puking on someone. The hysterical laughter (mostly by me, laughing that I might actually THROW UP on someone) didn't help.

Jordie and Dad at the Truck Stop Cafe on Clark Drive. I'm in love with this place-it's your classic cheap, greasy spoon. Man, Jordie's certainly looking beardy in this photo!

One of my old ESL classes downtown. In my years teaching English to teens and adults from all over the world, I met so many amazing people and had so many laughs with them. And sometimes, cake.

Christmas! Who needs pants? Jordie always complained about how many cards I'd hang on that wire in the window, and how long after Christmas was over that I'd leave them up.

So long, 1850 Napier Street. What a long, strange trip it's been! I'll come back to visit, I promise. Probably with a couple of disinterested teenagers.

That's all for now, folks! Oh, hey, one more thing. If you know anyone interested in doing some online video English lessons, I've started a little biz. Feel free to give out my email (lgidney@gmail.com) if you know someone, or just pass it out on the street, scream it from your upstairs window or whatever.