A Town Without Lights

This week, I've been thinking about the dark. I know, I know...booooring! But it's for good reason. Actually, three good reasons: a) this town gets dark at 2:30pm, b) no exaggeration, I actually can't see A THING when I leave my studio anytime after 4pm, because someone always turns the lights off in the hallway, and then it's like...I'm just waiting for some creepy early pioneer ghost to tap me on the shoulder or something***, c) there's a power outage like every other week (normally when the skies are blue and there's nothing stormy going on at all)

***Someone (who shall remain nameless) recently told me the building where my art studio is has some kind of paranormal activity crew looking around to see if there are any ghosts roaming the halls. This really makes me feel better when I'm frantically trying to jam my key in the lock in the pitch dark on the third floor every evening. I can almost hear the voices. OK, I just actually freaked myself out! Think un-ghosty thoughts! Think un-ghosty thoughts!

Goodbye, fall! It's officially winter. Wanna know the funniest thing about winter in Kaslo? Everyone (fine, every second person) has a snowmobile. We call em "sleds."

Jordie and I had a lovely little dinner party at our house with some friends on the night of the 'Winter Kickoff' movie night at the Langham. Corkscrew punch! Drop kick! Sssssssssssssssss (sound of bear spray)! Nah, not necessary. This was in the theatre, not way up in the rafters where I'm always ghost hunting. For supper, I made a big pot of Indian curry with chicken and chick peas, peanut butter cookies (no, these two dishes don't 'go together,' I know, I know), and a big, fat pitcher of boozy slushies with mezcal and frozen strawberries. Yum. The movie night included: 3 short movies about heli-skiing (this is a big heli-skiing town, turns out), 20 (yes, twenty) short films about beer (they were pretty funny!), and then a full-length movie about...skiing. Also, your ticket included a beer from the Hen (Kasloism: this means the Angry Hen brewery). All in all, a really fun night!

Did I mention we finally got a cord of wood? I think I did mention it, because as I wrote 'cord' just now, I remember writing it a few days ago and thinking that was the first time I'd ever in my life written that word down. Anyways, looking out into your wood shed and seeing a big, healthy pile of dry wood just gives a person a warm, fuzzy feeling. And it lasts until the terrifying moment when you have your first chimney fire. Luckily, in Kaslo, everyone (fine, every second person) is on the fire department (on?). This very friendly, very helpful, really in-the-right-place-at-the-right-time fire fighter just happened to be strolling by right at the moment that I was standing outside my house, looking at smoke pouring out of the chimney. He was so helpful! Good old Kaslo. Everyone seems to be part of either the fire department, search and rescue, or the ambulance service. Makes me feel so safe! (That sounds sarcastic, but it really is amazing to live in a tiny town with so many people volunteering/working for the community in such important ways. Shoutout to Kaslo Fire Department and all the other rescuey-type people in this town!) The fire chief arrived at our house shortly after the fire (he heard through the grapevine, I think). Guess we gotta get the ol' chimney swept.

Hey, you know what's funny about going to the post office when you live in a town of 1,000 people? Even though they know who you are, and greet you by name when you walk in, they still technically need to see your ID.

And now (drumroll please), the "Kaslo has only one of these" series. Everyone has been asking me when this is coming out. Everyone.

Kaslo only has one...

-Cop on duty (But I think there are three in town and they take turns, and also...do they live in the same house? Because there's a house in town that everyone calls the 'cop house'). You know what? I bet it would be really hard to be a cop in a small town like Kaslo. You'd be all, "Hey Joe! How are the kids? You guys got all your wood in order for the winter?" And then Joe, that sly bastard you thought you knew, would only have one headlight working and you'd have to arrest him and throw him in a holding cell.

-Holding cell (And I would really, really like to know what it's used for. Public drunkenness? Exceeding the maximum allowable number of renewals at the public library? Too many generators? Not enough generators? Murder?)

-Bank (Called Kootenay Savings. One of those small-town banks that you look at and wonder...how much money could you POSSIBLY have stored in this place?)

-Long-haul bus company (Called 'Mountain Man Mike's' and not to be confused with professional wrestler 'Man Mountain Mike,' this bus company runs from Vancouver to Kaslo for a hundred bucks, and also has a Calgary route. All the buses run on vegetable oil, in true, true, true Kootenay style.)

-Traffic light (Well, I thought it only had one traffic light. Turns out we have two traffic lights.)

-Cemetery (That's where the turkeys like to hang out)

Things Kaslo has a lot of:

-antique stores (seriously, guys, you don't need THREE antique stores when we don't even have a GD bakery)

-events that have refreshments and tea/coffee provided (no complaints here!)

-people who use the word 'harvest' a lot (I know I've mentioned this before, but even in winter, it's still driving me insane)

-clubs, groups, teams, societies and associations (Every time I turn around, someone's like, "Hey, you wanna join the quilting club? How about the Kaslo Trailblazers?" I love it.)

-people named Sarah

-people named Dan

-people that speak French (I feel like I hear French on the streets all the time! It reminds me of living on Commercial Drive in the city, except there it's a lot of Italian and Portuguese).

Things you don't really need to do in Kaslo:

-lock your car doors

-lock your house doors

-use your turn signals

-stop completely at stop signs

-buy any kind of fruit, ever

-use your gas pedal (if you live in upper Kaslo, like we do, you can just coast down the hill towards downtown in neutral)

-buy a snowmobile (Everyone else other than you has one)

The other day, feeling freshly in the winter mood, Jordie and I ventured off for a little walk in the snowy hills. We went to 'the ski area' (everyone in town knows where this is despite total lack of description in the name, and that pretty much any trail around here could be a ski area). About one kilometer off the road there is a little warming hut, where apparently there is some sort of chili cookout or something in February. Watch it. My chili has like, four secret ingredients (cocoa, mustard, whiskey and I forget the other one). We wandered and wandered, seeing the occasional squirrel, the occasional bird, the occasional snowflake. And then, all of a sudden, BAM! A big pile of feathers in the snow, a little blood in the centre. Nobody in sight. No clues connecting anyone in particular to the crime scene. Except, of course, that one turkey footprint. I got out my phone, obviously, and called the cop.

Let's see...about 5 inches. Yep, this must have been one of the Cemetery Gang.

The warming hut, depite being stacked with dry firewood and a working fireplace, has a sign on the door warning: "No fires in or near the cabin." Something else you don't really need to do in this town? Listen to bogus warning signs. You should, however, pay attention to the 'High Radon Levels' warning sign on the door of the Kaslo Archives. "Minors are encouraged to avoid entrance." Yikes! What is this, Chernobyl?

We didn't bring snacks because we didn't realize we'd be walking 12km. This icicle was surprisingly refreshing! And yes, I know I have a lot of gray hair, but I don't mind it. Jordie calls it my "silver." Hey, is that an age spot on my forehead? AAH!!!

We decided to get an early start on a real cold day, and headed down to the gas station for a shitty coffee around 7:30 in the morning (I made mine much better with a bunch of Bailey's). We went to the beach to look for driftwood and then had eggs at the Treehouse Cafe. I want to work there, slingin' coffees.

With a few inches of snow on the ground and counting, you can really feel the 'winter sports' vibes in the air. I feel like everyone's ITCHING to get out on their skiis or take a week off work to go 'sledding' (snowmobiling). Hey, at the thrift store they have free winter coats right now! No real timeframe on this sale, either. Just free for all of winter, I guess. I'm really looking forward to Light Up (thank you-it's friggin dark here!), which is this Saturday, and is a whole-town event, all day. Stores close early. Haha, I love that. Scavenger hunts, hot dogs and hot chocolate (I don't know, this sounds like kind of a gross combo), storytime, a craft fair, and the best...a town bonfire on the vacant lot right in the middle of 'downtown.' Someone already made the bonfire-shaped pile of wood like last weekend. Oh, Kaslo. A town after my own heart. I'll have to get some Fireball for the bonfire. Straight out of the freezer...pass it around...classic winter.